All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Life is so much better after having sex.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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