I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
