I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
