you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize