Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize