Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
