My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
