I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
