I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
