so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
