hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
