got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
