Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
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