god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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