I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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