DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize