the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I deserve this hangover.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize