I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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