my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
