I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Randomize
