Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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