The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
