yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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