Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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