i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize