she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
