I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
