my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
