i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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