You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
