Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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