Porn is love you can see.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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