this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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