Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
