I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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