Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
