Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Randomize
