Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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