woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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