am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
