Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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