you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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