how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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