my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize