Yo dont text me then not text me
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
