It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
