"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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