Will you blow on my dice?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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