Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
