I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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