It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
