Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
