Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
