I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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