Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She bit a glass in half.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
