i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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