its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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