I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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