yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Also, beer. Big fan.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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