you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I have fence marks all over my body
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
