Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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