nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
