come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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