fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
