my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
