Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
