my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
